Anniversaries

Today is June 12, 2018. This day, this month, this time of year...it means a lot of different things to me. Not all of them are happy..and still some of them are. I have so many things on my mind right now, I'm just freezing up. So I think I'm just going to let it all out. If you stick with it, great. If not, I totes understand.

I guess I'll just begin at the beginning. My birthday is June 20. My dad's birthday is June 10. Father's Day is in June around (sometimes on) my birthday. My dad passed away almost four years ago. I still can't believe it's been that long. June had always been a time of celebration for me. But now those dates bring painful reminders.

Then in June 12, 2016, there was a horrific mass shooting at Pulse nightclub. I had not been to Pulse in several years, but I used to go there regularly with friends in the first few years after it opened. It was devastating. And the fact that the political climate has deteriorated in the years since only deepens the pain of the loss suffered on that day.

Most recently, with more celebrity suicides in the news and debates over mental illness and gun control and healthcare and prescription drugs and on and on...I've found myself thinking alot about depression in its many forms. I suffer from depression and anxiety. I have fought it every which way imaginable and now have some sort of a rhythm. But when it comes to depression - at least for me - it can always rear its ugly head. The best solution that I have found thus far is a combonation of a little of this and a little of that, lots of daily practice and patience. And sometimes, the bad days still come. When Your Inside Does't Match Your Outside, WIP

Lately, I'vIn the Moment, 2018 mixed media on woode been very open about the fact that Misery Black is me. She always was - from the very beginning. I just kept that fact to myself. Through Misery, I've been experimenting in a way that I've never done: new themes, new stories, new media, new techniques, new formats. The more I play with her and focus on her, the more inspiration I have and the stronger the need to express myself becomes. She is truly my visual diary. I love Misery when she's happy, when she's the optimist, the protector. But that isn't always the case. Lately, I've been turning to my darker side - really looking at my depression and anxiety to see what else is in there. And as it seems to be topical at the moment, I'm starting to think that there may be a place for my voice to be used to reach others who may need to feel that they are not alone. Maybe I can use my art to bring awareness to depression.

I've used Misery to express my political views, she has given voice to my hope and she has helped me to embrace my emotions in all their crazy forms. I want to see her grow and evolve even more. I want to be able to help educate those who don't understand depression and think it's just being sad. I want Misery to be an advocate for those who feel deeply and know that there's an upside and a downside to that.

I am still trying to publish my book - it's all technical mumbo jumbo and time. Blech. But I still have more books in my head as well as more large scale and mixed media. I'm also thinking about other platforms - other ways to show Misery. I feel like my experiences, my point of view could touch someone. I just want to do more.

So, bringing it back around, lately, I've been having "moments". Not ful--blown-in-bed-all-day-in-the-dark-crying kind of days - just sporadic moments of sadness, Today was a perfect example of this as well as an example of how many different layers there are to depression. I arrived at a client's home to walk their 2 dogs. These are regular clients, regular routine. Upon arrival, I found a note saying that the older female dog wasn't feeling well and would be going to the vet. I was to only walk the male. It was pretty hot out, but the sun was shining, so overall it was a nice day. As we walked, a ladybug landed on my arm. I can't deal with bugs - I'm girly like that - but I love ladybugs and think of them as a good omen. I said hello and helped him take off. When we got back from the walk, sweaty but happy, I realized the other dog had been home the whole time, but I hadn't seen her. She was so sick, that she was collapsed in the corner, barely moving. I sat on the ground with her, petting and kissing her head and talking softly to her. And I cried. I cried a lot. It was natural for me to feel sad - that's empathy. It's the fact that I moved from one extreme emotion to the other quickly. Anxiety and depression conspire and combine in such a way as to make the highs super high and then also make the lows devestating. And that is just a snapshot of the day.

Today is an anniversary of loss. This month is one of celebration and mourning. I look forward to celebrating my birthday by relaxing. I am prepared to give myself room to breathe if I get overwhelmed. I am excited to grow and evolve personally and artistically with Misery.

Thanks if you stuck it out to the end! Share the love!

Be nice to each other!

#orlandostrong

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Thank you

This was so touching and hit home, it made me cry. I also suffer from the same afflictions as you, the depression, the anxiety. I work through it with my art as well. It really helps me too. You are amazing for opening yourself up like this and sharing with us. I love you Georgie. You are truly inspiring ❤

You’re not just an amazing

You’re not just an amazing artist, you’re an amazing writer and an amazing woman. I know we haven’t seen each other for several years, but I truly appreciate having you as a friend.

LoveLoveLove

... this made my eyes leak madly and my heart swell with Love as I read this. Gosh there are so many parts to this ... YesYesYes to sticking with the book thingy ... these words and illustrations of Misery Black could definitely help others! Right off the bat what came to mind are the kids that gather at The Zebra Coalition here in Orlando. There are more suicides from this age group than any other age group globally. This organization caters to kids that are runaways or been kicked out of the house or severely abused because they told their parents they were gay. Some kids were bullied! And they have been cast out of their house to fin for themselves by their parents (deer in headlights) ... most of them are between 13-24. check them out they could use love and support.

I get u and understand wholeheartedly in regards to losing family members especially a parent(s). Dates trigger memories and memories triggers a plethora of emotions & timelines too ... by then the flood gates are wide open. I think looking at situations in a different light or a new way could possibly help It does me ... sometimes it takes a bit longer than I would of liked but for whatever reason it did I learned something new. What really helps me is being able to help someone in need or volunteering my time to a cause that is close to my heart or fundraising for the cause. That alone bring me more reward than just about anything except for animals ... Animals are my greatest happiness ... more than most people! They are always real ... honest ... full of love to give ... I feel they are smarter than a lot of people I know ... just sayin'

For me nothing hurts my heart more than not being able to help a sick animal or an animal in need. You are helpless and it breaks my heart every time. Whether I personally know the animal or not. I know it does yours too! I still don't have an answer for that type of situation ... but it does eventually pass.

The only thing that has helped me was time ... the word no one ever wants to hear when asking for help/solutions/suggestions or pondering about life, including me!!! What I have found out only in hindsight that its been time past or mostly the way I chose to see things now compared to then.

Here is the beauty Georgie ... its you! You've poured out unto all bearing honest & personal situations going on within your life ... searching to find ways to come to terms or perhaps a new way of thinking towards them. And you are doing it creatively ... I think this is so beautiful ... so real ... heartfelt ... strong & courageous ... honest ... inspiring. Maybe just maybe Misery Black discovered her Yang in a new light or way that balances out her Yin so they both co-exist. It's the rhythm or dance of life with both that keeps balance. We can't have a day without a night. Empaths are beautiful souls that feel so deeply ... I am the same way. I have grown to love that part of me ... older I get my pendulum still swings fast & furious at times (not as frequent thank goodness) but I've learned to feel that emotion/situation in that moment or however long it takes me & just as profound as it came in I recognize it then release it and it doesn't keep lingering around in my head space. The analogy that comes to mind is "she came ... she conquered ... she left"

Now ... if you have sat thru all of this and haven't poked your eyes out yet then perhaps we could meet for lunch or a drink and catch up ... maybe this is the time ...Or not ... Life Is Good Thank you for sharing your heartfelt journey thus far ... "Embrace the moment & enjoy the ride" ... tiz

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